Last night, I had a dream.
In this dream, I was caring for a baby girl, probably about 18 months old. She was really cute, she had red hair that was in a little ponytail on top of her head. I played with her for what felt like a long time (who knows actually how much time elapses in dreams) but she was happy and healthy. I decided to take her upstairs in this house I was in to play on some inflatable bouncy things (you know, like the kind they had at Discovery Zone). But when I got there, things were not as I remembered them.
When we reached the top of the stairs, I saw one of my teammates, Alison, as she was deflating the playground. I asked her why, being disappointed that I couldn’t take this baby girl to go play. Alison said that a little baby boy had gotten sick all over the playground. I saw the baby boy in the corner of the room. I put the girl down to go pick up the boy.
He was so small. So small. His skin was a sickening pale green color, and he couldn’t have been more than 8 months old. I started to clean him up, and his little face just scrunched up like he was about to cry. My heart broke for this little boy. Not only that, but I was angry.
“Who is supposed to be taking care of him??” I asked Alison.
“His parents are downstairs,” she replied.
Baby in hand (I’m not sure where the little girl went but at this point it didn’t seem to matter) I marched down the stairs. I found the baby’s father.
“What did you feed him?” I ask, rather pointedly.
The father showed me a half empty jar of pickled garlic or ginger and an open jar of roasted red peppers. I was appalled. This isn’t baby food, I thought. This isn’t even food that normal people eat. No wonder he got sick. But the father didn’t seem to understand his poor decision. He didn’t even understand the consequences.
You are poisoning your child. He is so sick. Who will care for him? It’s not fair…I’m so sorry, baby. The people who are supposed to be caring for you cannot even see beyond themselves. He’s not my child but as I hold him I don’t have a clue what to do.
Do I give him back to injustice?
I don’t know, Jessica, but “when I cannot see the hand of God, I must trust the heart of God” and deep within my core, I know that my God is good! without having answers. Questions are in abundance, especially where you are, but Faith is the anchor that will hold. Even then,”…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author & perfecter of faith”, mine & yours. I must often lay myself & the injustices upon His throne and acknowledge His position as God of all. A Righteous and Loving God. His perspective is Eternal!
There’s a counseling technique called “Theophostic Counseling” where you return to memories or scenarios and wait there until you answer the question “where is Jesus?” There’s an incredible amount of revelation that can come when you can see Jesus in the midst of the hard moments… maybe He’s there somewhere… it’s worth looking
Been meaning to comment on your blog for a while Jess since you always comment on my mine. 😉 Dunno what to tell you about this dream or the questions that you are left with but I’m glad to hear that you are dreaming and processing even if they are disturbing or sad at times.
Life here is never easy and there is almost never a simple answer…sometimes all we can do is pray for His Kingdom to come and for people to understand and want more Jesus